In some ways, I have never felt completely comfortable writing about this song because it’s a song that strikes a little too close sometimes. I alternate between two reactions to it–it makes me slow down and think about some different things or I scream along as if it’s the only antidote to the venom of monotony. You’re catching me on a day when it’s the former.
I guess I avoided writing about this song because I feel like I’m in a rut. It’s not that I’m lost and direction-less but I couldn’t tell you what my greatest passion is. I couldn’t tell you what I want. I don’t even know. If someone asks how I’m doing, I just reflexively respond with “okay.” It’s not bad. It’s not great. It’s just what it is and it never changes. I went a couple months between seeing someone and all that changed was that I grew a beard.
It’s easy for me to fall into a routine or rut and it’s easy for me to stay there. Take writing about music, for instance, I haven’t been as interested as I was the last couple of years. I’ve fallen in the rut of not doing.
I’m jealous of those that can take their turn and run to avoid life’s rut. I’m too cautious to do it, but it doesn’t mean I don’t dream about it. I want that spirit in my life somehow.
Wasn’t sure of how to accomplish it so I devised a gameplan that hopefully will give me a chance. Over the past week or so, I’ve made a more concerted effort to live outside the rut. To write, to create, to eat less fast food, to ask for advice (which is not in my nature), to think about people more than in just passing and hope they are doing better than okay wherever they are. The next step is to interact more frequently and openly. I’m going to work on myself and hopefully improve myself. If that happens, I figure the rest will come.
I’ll leave you with some of the lines of Young Rut that get to the core of what I’m trying to say:
Don’t know what I want but oh, Lord, I
I want it bad
Keeps me up all night, it keeps me so goddamn mad
Restless heart and inpatient mind
Keeps me so far away from a better kind…